can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there is puke in my bra ... again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
