Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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