Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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