you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
