I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
