I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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