i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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