listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
