She's JV to your varsity
i was born a porn star she said
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
