just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
