how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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