just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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