maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
