So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
