Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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