Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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