Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
