god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
