can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
