Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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