I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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