hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
