On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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