FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
