I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
