Got a toothbrush?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
