tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize