I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
