wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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