Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
