i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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