I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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