And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize