so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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