I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
