I'm really into asian looking animals
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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