i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All the doctor said was why
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
