he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
