This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize