she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
