like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize