If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
