i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
