I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
