Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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