I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
two words...techno handjob
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
