i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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