I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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