We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
