I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
