The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
