i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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