it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
