I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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