How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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