I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
