no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
