He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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