Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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