i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
