Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
