so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
