I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize