Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
