Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
