You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
