you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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