drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
