Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
