Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
