How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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