Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
