I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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