Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
