So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
