Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize