Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
