no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
