I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
