I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
