come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
