Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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