ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
