Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize