WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
