wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The air was thick with penises
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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